CHUB RUB AND SWIMDRESSES
I am in this weird place of trying to be fit and healthy but still appreciate the body and the beauty of exactly where I am.
I am in this weird place of trying to be fit and healthy but still appreciate the body and the beauty of exactly where I am.
I was not sad that I had been stereotyped. I was sad the stereotype existed, but not for the reason you would think. My sadness was not that people are stereotyping “church people,” my emotion came because of the truth about some stereotypes.
I was so proud of RCC and how hard everyone had worked to get to launch day. Why was I allowing perfectionism to take away a moment that cannot be relived?
I can’t get that moment back. I can make a choice that, from this day forward, I will see myself as fearfully, beautifully, and wonderfully made. Valued. Loved.
It doesn’t matter how much I know the the truth; I am still battling the lies. Somewhere, deep down, I believe myself to be not enough. I often look to the numbers to prove myself wrong. Thankfully, some numbers require nothing of me, and they speak a truth I desperately need to embrace.
Every day is a battle. Every day I fight to keep the mess inside and be better. Every day I fight the lies of who I feel myself to be with a grasping at who I am made to be.
Today was another one of those days- you know, an ugly day.
An ugly day generally begins with a sense my clothes don’t fit the way they should. From there it moves to the way my teeth are just a little off center or my hair is too gray, too stringy, or too outdated.
Unfortunately, I feel myself to be not enough or too much of something on a pretty regular basis. This isn’t actual truth, but my feelings lie pretty well.
I have had some conversations of late that have really left me wondering if I am cut out for this job. I am not wondering whether or not I want to do it. I am wondering if I will really be able to do it well.
Security is our fingers interlocked as we adventure. The grip is loose and free, but it holds us together tightly.
I have to confess….
Although the tagline of my blog page is, “lessons on finding grace to be okay with yourself,” I have no grace for one part of myself right now.
I see this part no matter where I look on my body- chub… and lots of it.
Life has a way of wearing us down and making it hard to see the beauty. We lose focus and our vision is clouded by the mundane, the painful, and the false.