I have lost ten pounds since our church opened Easter Sunday and I committed to less of me, more of Him. I’ve been working to be healthier, less prideful, and more reliant on God.
The ten pound loss was not enough to beat my old enemy and intimate companion- chub rub. There is nothing like a good patch of chub rub to keep you humble.
If you don’t have thigh gap, you might be familiar with chub rub. Chub rub is the raw, painful sore caused by the friction of chubby thighs rubbing together during athletic activities- in my case, running.
Last Monday night, chub rub caused me to choose between walking a little funny while wearing a dress and heels to keep my thighs from touching or walking normal and pretending my inner thigh was not on fire. Not a proud moment.
Tuesday night, I had to choose between my cuter tankini that would expose a red patch of raw skin or a swimdress. Neither option screams hot mama.
Yes, I own a swimdress. I bought it to be more conservative and possibly to hide the chubbiness of my thighs….
My neighbor mocked me pretty hard (with love of course) when I told her I bought a swim dress.
I am in this weird place of trying to be fit and healthy but still appreciate my body and the beauty of exactly where I am. I’m also trying to balance how to be a hot wife for my husband and an appropriately conservative pastor’s wife (and pastor)/ woman in her mid 30’s/mama of three.
Thus the mix of a renewed pursuit of fitness and the purchase of a swimdress.
I stand by my claim that the swim dress I bought is still fashionable.
I swear, it is.
No, really, it is cute.
As I age, I am finding myself in a weird mix of accepting the realities of chub rub and swimdresses while still fighting the body’s natural inclination to get soft and relaxed.
One of the lessons I am learning is the less I focus on the media image of who I should be and the more I focus on the Biblical image of who God says I am, the healthier I am overall.
On my good days, I run without feeling the need to prove anything to anyone. I run for health and for fun rather than to prove to myself that I am worth something more because I can achieve a pace or a distance. I eat better because I want to take care of the body God gave me, not because I am trying to look like a fitness magazine model. I wear many styles of swimsuits because no one at the pool cares if my thighs are chubby, but also because I don’t need to look “hot” in front of anyone besides my husband.
When pride and ego win out, I do most all the same things, but for the wrong reasons; and I feel a lot less joy in doing them.
As I navigate between pride and humility, I find myself in a love hate relationship with chub rub and swimdresses. I am a work in progress. Maybe I’ll get it all figured out when I am in my 40s… or maybe my 50s.
In the meantime, I hope you will give me an encouraging smile at the pool when you see me in my swimdress or in any other type of swimsuit. Because, really, aren’t we all just trying to figure this life out together?