I have to confess….
Although the tagline of my blog page is, “lessons on finding grace to be okay with yourself,” I have no grace for one part of myself right now.
I see this part no matter where I look on my body- chub…and lots of it.
I’ve mentioned the struggle I have been having with plantar fasciitis in other blog posts. I have also mentioned that I need to run to beat the crazy in my head. Well, people, the crazy is winning because my running shoes are only used for sitting and occasional walking right now. I have gone from finishing my third half marathon in a one year window this March to barely running a couple miles a week through the late spring to no running at all the past couple of weeks.
My body hates me right now. Wait…. the true confession is I hate my body right now.
There, I said it, and it’s true.
I know, I know, this is supposed to be about learning to give yourself grace. Maybe I’ll get there by the end of this post. I’m busy confessing right now.
I hate the plump, soft squish of my upper thighs.
I hate the gentle outward curve of my lower belly.
I hate the undefined circumference of covering over my biceps and triceps.
I hate the fullness of my cheeks (the ones on my face and the ones found between my back and legs).
I have no grace for all the chub. I stare it with nothing but criticism in my heart and mind. I do not give chub any space to be itself or love it for what it is. I want it to change, and I want it to do it now on my terms.
I think if we are honest with ourselves, I might not be alone. There just might be a few others of you out there refusing to give your chub some grace….. and, as long as I’m making confessions, I might as well admit that the chub is part of me.
When I refuse the chub grace, I refuse to give grace to myself. So, I guess it is time to practice what I preach. I need to learn a lesson on how to find grace to be okay with myself. In order to do this I will quote myself from one of my first posts, “Weary Women.” Hopefully I will take to heart.
Believe those who compliment you. Don’t convince yourself people are lying to make you feel good. Don’t put your own qualifiers on the compliments. Your shirt does not look good for a chubby girl; your body does not look good for a mom; and, you are not pretty for someone your age.
This is one I’ve been working on. My husband is always telling me to accept his compliments for what they are. I hate it when he is right, but I’ll admit it in this case.
Focus on the things you truly like about yourself. Don’t look in the mirror and see the one tooth that is slightly crooked to the left. See the thing, hopefully things plural, you like about yourself. If you don’t know what you like about yourself. see my first piece of advice, and choose something you’ve been complimented on. Put your energy into finding the positives. When you are tempted to criticize yourself, force yourself to focus on the positive. Say it out loud if you need.
I have a friend who writes positive affirmations, quotes, and scriptures on sticky notes and posts them around her house. Her mirror is a prime location. I have wise friends from whom I can learn.
Believe the deeper truth. You are beautiful. In Psalm 139:14 (NIV) King David says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Even if you don’t believe in God, the truth is that you are a wonderful creation.
Please, believe the deeper truth of who you are.
It is time to lose the weight of self criticism. I’ll try if you will.