As some of you know, my husband and I are in the process of starting a church with the Assemblies of God. We have completed our trainings, and we have moved to our city. At the moment we are in the phase of developing our “launch team” and fundraising. We need to recruit anywhere from 40 to 80 people before we “launch” this coming February. We also need to raise about $150,000.
Our team is developing and funds are starting to come together. In fact, everything is going really well. God has been providing in ways we never imagined. However, I am starting to worry. I’m not worried about what God can do. I am worried about what I can do.
I have had some conversations of late that have really left me wondering if I am cut out for this job. I am not wondering whether or not I want to do it. I am wondering if I will really be able to do it well.
This is not some self-loathing thought. It is an honest look at me. People want a leader that never fails. They want someone who will never have doubts, questions, or failings. That isn’t me.
I have failed in big and small ways, and I am likely to fail people in the future. I am not good enough, and I am not going to pretend to be better than I am.
I am saved by Grace….lots of it.
1 Timothy 1:14-16 (NIV)
14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.
Confession 2: I don’t have all the answers.
Things happen in life. Terrible things…. I know. I have experienced some, and I know the stories of others. No one is exempt from heartache.
I am a fixer, and I want to make everything right when people around me struggle. The problem is I can’t. I don’t have all the answers. I study, and I pray. I do the best I can. Sometimes, I just don’t know if the answers I have are answers from God.
I need God’s wisdom, and sometimes I come up short. I just try to be there and love God and love people.
1 Corinthians 8:1-3 (NIV)
Now about food sacrificed to idols: We know that “We all possess knowledge.” But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. 2 Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know. 3 But whoever loves God is known by God.
Confession 3: Sometimes it can be hard to love people.
Some people are just tough to love. Some people push you away or put up walls. Others are rude, deceitful, or mean. There are even people that hurt you or those you care about. We are commanded to love God and to love our neighbors. It isn’t as easy as it sounds.
The scary thing is I am who some people will look to in order to understand how God sees them. I need to allow God to fill me with his love because I will fail if I try to love people on my own.