OUT OF FOCUS
I like action and results. I can’t stand when I see things being done wrong, and I am almost always convinced I could do it better, unless of course that thing is parking a car or building something.
This is a problem because I end up trying to do way more than I should. Even my blog is a reflection of this. I write about teaching, church planting, parenting, and running. I can’t even stay focused on one topic for the blog!
My tagline is grace and imperfection because I need a lot of grace for all the areas of imperfection.
So, here is my latest confession of an area in which I need to give and receive grace.
I am focused on too many things, so I rarely feel satisfied.
I am great at seeing what should be done and how to do it. I am quick to jump in and get to work. However, I have recently come to understand (again) how much toll this takes on me. I have been starting to pull back in order to regain focus and health.
I can’t write the best lessons, grade papers with detailed feedback, communicate with all stakeholders, write and promote an amazing blog, spend ample quality time with my children, have a spotless house, stay in shape, run marathons and half marathons, edit and write a blog for the Church Multiplication Network, write articles for PENews.com, promote my book, and lead a thriving church plant.
Because I think I can do anything I try really well, I forget that even if that is true, I can’t do everything really well at the same time…. so I beat myself up for every area that isn’t as awesome and amazing as I want it to be.
This isn’t really a new confession. I have probably written at least 20 posts on the same note. I’m just someone who has to keep learning the same lesson again and again because I am fighting my own personality when I try to pull away and give myself grace.
I can’t remember if I was D/I or I/D last time I did a DISC personality assessment, so here are both descriptions to help you get a sense of who I am:
Di – action, results, enthusiasm
Goals: Quick action, new opportunities
Fears: Loss of power
iD – action, enthusiasm, results
Goals: Exciting breakthroughs
Fears: Fixed environments, loss of approval or attention
Although these are pretty condensed descriptions, I’d say they both describe me pretty accurately. I’d substitute the word control for power and I don’t think attention is a need… but definitely approval.
I jump at new opportunities and I am frustrated when I don’t get the amazing results I expect across the board. It doesn’t matter if I am thriving in 2 areas because I am not seeing the success and results I want in 7 others.
When I focus on one area, I see results and I am satisfied… until I look at one of the other areas.
I’m trying to narrow my focus. I’m trying to receive and give grace as I work to put my time and energy on the things that matter the most first.
Here is my short prayer. If you need help putting things back in focus too, this is a prayer for both of us!
Jesus, help me. Amen.
Too short? Okay…
Jesus, you see how I have focused on so many things but lost focus on asking you where my time and energy should go. Help me to follow your lead. Amen.