I could have done better.

I spoke for a women’s event last Friday night. I did alright, but I could have done better.

Monday night, I graded papers and worked on my sermon. I bounced between the two for several hours while my husband and kids attended other engagements.

Tuesday night I left straight from work to attend my middle daughter’s choir concert. From there we went to our youngest child’s concert. I came home and worked a little before crashing.

Wednesday night I went Christmas shopping with our youngest while our older two attended youth group. I came home and chatted with parents that were there to pick up their kids. After everyone left, I worked on my message until 11, when I quit because I couldn’t stay awake any longer.

Thursday night, I tried to pack for the trip. However, my youngest, for the first time in her life, needed help on her math homework. By the time we were done, it was time to head to our middle child’s honor choir concert.

We came home to a house packed with the worship team and their kids. I helped one of my friends on the worship team edit her short story. After everyone left and the kids were in bed, I opened my backpack to take out my laptop and finish my sermon…. only to remember I needed to make the reading quiz for the last chapter of Frankenstein still. Twenty minutes later, I was ready to work on my sermon. Eleven is a good time to write a sermon, right? Did I mention I had to be up by 4:15 a.m. for my flight?

The message was decent, but I could have done better.

This is the sensation I have for everything I do right now- I could have done better.

I could have done better if I could have focused on that one thing. I could have done better if I was not so tired from the other tasks I had to accomplish first.

Every day, with every task, I feel the weight of “I could have done better.”

Why? Why does it matter so much?

Maybe it is a flaw in me- a drive for perfection, a drive to prove I am someone of worth. Ridiculous, but true.

That is the internal battle I fight and lose every day. The battle to be better than….Well, I don’t know what I am trying to be better than. I guess I’m trying to be better than ME.

I have been doing this blog thing for twenty-one months. For twenty-one months I have mostly written about finding and giving grace for my imperfections (and the imperfections of others).

At this point, I should have learned that I am enough. I don’t need to do better or do more.

Guess what? In learning to give myself grace and room for my own failings….

I could have done better!

I need to cling to this truth today (and I’ll try to do it again tomorrow…):

For you created my inmost being;  you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;   your works are wonderful,  I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14 

God’s works are wonderful. I am his work. I am wonderful.

You are his work. You are wonderful.

God is perfect. He couldn’t have done better. There is no better than what God does. He made us, and he loves us with all our flaws and could’ve done betters.

I’ll take that dose of grace today.




8 thoughts on “STILL NOT PERFECT

    • Author gravatar

      Lovely post Rebecca, I can relate. Everyday I realize how everything I am is by God’s grace and mercy. And this allows me to my imperfections unto Christ and accept His perfection.

    • Author gravatar

      Hi Rebecca, I can appreciate your experience. My wife and I had five children (last two were twins) and we learned some valuable lessons along the way. Balance is important because aside from tipping the scales (accomplished/not accomplished) we in of ourselves are always going to fall short. Sometimes we superimpose our will for God’s will and that is not a good thing. Loving God and serving Him and giving time to yourself and your family is vitally important. I have a daughter who is trying to do the same thing that you are experiencing and it is difficult to get her to understand that when we start to lose control over balance, everything suffers. Too much taken on ultimately means too little, somewhere. Quality is more important than quantity. My wife reminded me of this last night as we discussed our daughter. Can you picture Jesus rushing around trying to get a whole bunch of things done? We’re not under the Law, we’re under Grace and Jesus has already accomplished what we could never do. I remember saying prayers one morning and God gave me a word, not to be too hard on myself. He knows our heart. Seek His will and the rest will fall into place. It’s a hard lesson to learn but one that is necessary. Blessings!

    • Author gravatar

      I do that, the ” It could have been better.” My question is and I will have to take this to the Lord, what am I actually comparing my performance to? What lie from the enemy am I believing?

    • Author gravatar

      I grade this post with an A+ !!! Thank you for sharing your walk of faith !

    • Author gravatar

      I’m sure your message met needs. Being real is more important than being perfect. People don’t relate to perfect people because no one is perfect. And you’re priorities were in the right place– in your family. You only have a few years to pour into your children. They pass so quickly. If you gain everyone’s accolades, but lose your own family, how sad that would be! I’m sure the Lord is pleased wwith your choices, and that’s what counts.

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