It can be so hard to see God’s love for us as we face loss and heartache. We wonder where he is, and we struggle to see how he could be working all things together for our good. It is important to understand the nature of God that is revealed in this passage- he is omniscient and omnibenevolent.
As I prepare to celebrate the blessing of my own amazing mother and the gift of her loving example, a piece of me is touched by grief. I am in awe of the vibrant and lovely lives of my children who have given me the honorable and tiresome title of mother, but I also understand the pain of the celebration. I have felt it sharply, and I have watched you, my dear friends, as you feel it too.
When I look into their faces as I read them the poem, I still see the young man (who was almost constantly in a cast of some sort) sitting in a middle school classroom. I see his energy and exuberance in their young and promising eyes, and my heart breaks again… and again… and again.
I had almost missed her soft whisper as I left her room: “Cover me, Mama.” The words gripped me as I pulled the blankets up to her chin. She gave me the words I have been trying to find to express the emotions stirring within me the past couple of weeks.
November is the month in between.
First it was the month that came before; then, it was the month that came after.
Yet, November is the month of thanks.
How do I say thank you for the blessing of broken? I am learning.
There is blessing in waiting for an ultra sound to indicate another child is lost; there is blessing in the graveyard spattered with names I love; and there is blessing in the moments of failure. These are blessings I have known in seasons very different from today. They are the blessings that have convinced me life is full of beauty.
I was asked recently to write a one page summary of my testimony. Most testimonies involve a dramatic moment of change. This is not that story. This is the story of a planted seed that was watered and nurtured. It is the story of how I have grown, bloomed, withered, grown, and bloomed again.