Afraid to Catch Feelings

Feelings

For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. Romans 12:4-5

I have 1,000 words or more begging to spill onto this page, yet all I can think of are the lyrics, “don’t be afraid to catch feelings,” from the song “Feels” by Calvin Harris.

Well, I have caught feelings, so, so, so many feelings.

Often, I sort my emotions out by writing here on the blog. However, I am a Pastor, an English teacher, and now a foster parent. In these roles there is so much I cannot put to the page for all to read.

In the last year and a half, I have listened to hearts poured out more than I ever had before. I have sat with and loved the dear friends of my church as life has done its work. I have also continued to read stories of students with broken hearts and felt the trickle of tears and the tightening of my throat as I marked punctuation and discussed structure.

Tonight, I am holding dearly so many words.

I am bursting with the great joys of burdens lifted and the deep sorrows of loss. I am lips sealed and fingers stopped from creating words on this keyboard. I am full of stories I cannot share and emotions I cannot fully express.

Dear ministry friends, teachers, and parents to those you have not birthed, I know and share the feelings you carry heavy in your soul without a place to whisper, shout, or write the jumbled words into a clear conclusion. I’ve read the same posts you have- telling women in leadership to keep a distance from members of the church. I understand the need for professionalism and clear lines in the classroom, and I know the risk that comes in loving a child that may leave.

Still, all I hear in my head, again and again, are the lyrics to a pop song I’m not even sure I like: “Don’t be afraid to catch feelings.”

Friends, let’s not live in fear. We belong to each other.

There is safety in not knowing the stories. Walls feel secure and distance allows us to live a life unscathed. But, I don’t want to live a life without all this feeling. I don’t want to miss the richness of tender hearts joined in all the beauty of living.

I have definitely caught feelings, or, maybe, feelings have caught me.

 

 

 

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