GIVE ME SPACE AND FREEDOM…JUST NOT TODAY.
As a parent, life seems to be a fluctuation between survival mode and an attempt to capture the moments we never want to forget.
My three children of 8, 10, and 12 are on the edge of pulling away. We are teetering between the call of a social life and the security of weekends at home, and I am unsure of how to progress.
Freedom is so close I can almost taste it. The day to day pressures of three small lives is lifting as they grow. With the lifting of pressure becomes space. Oh how I have wanted space and room to breath, and now…
Now I want to hold just a little tighter for just a moment longer the children I see in front of me on their way to youth and beyond.
A snapshot:
My baby moves with a bounce, a skip, and twirl. She is wild, savage fire and passion. She pushes and pushes and drives me crazy while making my heart burst with love.
My middle child, the dreamer, dancer, and entrepreneur, keeps me on my toes and on the move. With her nose in a book and her legs forming pirouettes as she moves about the house, she fills my ears with a stream of ideas of her next business, project, or club. I hear more work for me…. and a girl on her way somewhere before her time.
My almost man is sweetness and athleticism. He is quiet confidence in long strides. He is so easy I fear I fail him. He does not demand my attention or affection. He is steady and dependable, and I often forget to be soft and available as he races away from boyhood.
Tonight I capture a sentimental thought….
Tomorrow, I wash dishes, fold laundry, and dream of freedom.
My “almost man” has never been easy, and still isn’t. I thought he would become easier as he got older, but temptations have snared him in so many ways that it’s very hard – almost impossible – for me to trust him, which raises a wall that is hard to hurdle. I find that to ease my own mind, I almost have to ignore that stuff that might be hidden in his life, because I’m afraid if I dig and find more mistakes and problems, our relationship will sour more and more. He worries me deeply. He’s a tremendous athlete, tremendously successful at virtually everything he tries. He’s a high level archer, a high level shotgunner, the MVP of his basketball team, probably the best pitcher on his baseball team, a linebacker / kicker / center on the football team, and basically a straight A student with very little apparent effort, yet there is a deeply troubling and dark side to his life that has, ever since we discovered some issues at about age 8, made it so difficult to always celebrate his excellence. So, celebrate your easy boy 🙂
My girl, in many respects, is only hard because she’s so sensitive. She never really gets in trouble, never really asks for much, never wants to hurt anyone, and works really hard at everything she does.
I’m trying my best to enjoy every moment, but sometimes the worries of the things that I just don’t know what to do with almost destroy me.
Bernard,
I hear you! The worry is so draining.
Because of the instant accessibility to damaging content and 24/7 peer influence, our children are facing so many temptations and battles that we never had.
We pray over our kids as they leave the house every day, and we do what we can. However, we have to trust that God is in control in the end.
We are making a huge effort to talk openly with our kids about our own failings and demonstrate to them that the only way to escape the trap of addictive behaviors is open honesty and seeking help.
I know that sounds a bit intense for young ones, but addictions begin in secrecy.
We allow them to see that we have failed, and we may fail again, but that does not change our value or our love for one another.
I will definitely take your advice in celebrating my kiddos!!!