I recently read a heart breaking post about a marriage that is ending. It got me thinking about why some marriages last and why some don’t. Specifically, how is it that Jon and I are still married after over 13 years? I decided it must be because I am so easy to be married to.
3 SUPER SIMPLE THINGS I WANT FROM MY HUSBAND:
1 Make me Feel Like I am the Most Beautiful Woman Alive.
I am not the most beautiful woman alive. There are times I know I look really good, but I am not delusional. Seriously, have you seen Gisele Bundchen? Yeah, I’m pretty sure my husband, and any person with eyes, thinks she is more beautiful than me.
I know the truth that I am not the most beautiful woman in the world, but I still expect my husband to convince me he thinks I am. What is so hard about that?
2 Treat Me Like I am a Rational Person.
The other day I was frustrated because I received an email that my schedule for next year had been changed. I might have stayed up until two in the morning considering a career switch and browsing local jobs. That was totally a normal and rational response. In unrelated news, my period started the next day.
His job as my spouse was to completely support my late night job hunt and commiserate with me as I bemoaned the undesirable change to my schedule…. because I am 100% rational at all times.
3 Love My Flaws.
There are days I haven’t slept enough (maybe because I was job searching late into the night), didn’t find time to exercise the crazy out, or didn’t eat enough at lunch. Any of these three factors can cause me to act grumpy, selfish, needy, or oblivious to Jon’s needs.
My husband should think all of this is endearing and adorable because it makes me quirky and fun. Just like the leading lady in any romance, all of my idiosyncrasies are appealing, not mildly obnoxious.
Maybe being married to me isn’t so simple….
I can do (and have done) things that hurt my husband, and he does the same to me. Sometimes my insecurities and his insecurities crash into each other and leave us both hurting, angry, or sad.
We are messy and broken. We each carry our expectations, strengths, dreams, and desires into the relationship. We let each other down, and we make mistakes.
So why does it work?
We refuse to quit on each other. At the end of the day, no matter how hangry I have been, I know Jon is going to hold me. I know he is going to fight with me and fight for me.
We have given each other reasons to leave, and we have stayed. There have been days that felt like we would be better off alone, and there have been years that have proven that sensation wrong.
When everything is said and done, our relationship works for two reasons: one, there is a God in heaven full of grace and love for us that will never ever give up on who we are; and two, Jon and I are both trying really hard to live our lives in a manner to reflect that love and grace.
We are not the most physically attractive people alive, sometimes we act irrationally, and we have some big flaws. We are not a perfect fit for each other. We are not perfect people. We are just stubborn enough to keep trying to give grace and love in the measure we have received it.